Comments on: How do you console someone who has recently lost a premature baby?

By: Debbie V

Debbie V — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 18:29:59 +0000

DON’T say oh, well you can always have another.
DO say I’m so sorry this happened to you.
DON"T say she lost the baby (that infers that it’s her fault).
DO say The baby died. We don’t know why.
Treat it like any other death. Bring food, flowers, visit often, but keep it short unless Mom seems to really want to talk. Bring a favorite movie or better yet, her favorite sit com. Sit and watch it with her if she’ll let you. Time will not help in this situation, but it will allow her time to adjust to the tragedy of the situation.

TX Mom - been there
Not an expert
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By: thecoxons

thecoxons — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:51:59 +0000

I think I would just let them know that you are there for them. Offer a ear or anything else you can offer, the point is to just be there for them.
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By: margaret moon

margaret moon — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 17:15:59 +0000

I don’t say anything,talk about something else and let them bring it up.Thats how I am because if I lose someone I would never stop crying because people keep mentioning it and they always say they are sorry for your loss,ect.Take them some food or a cake or something and tell them you just stopped by to see how they were doing.

(Many blessings)
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By: Mim

Mim — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:25:59 +0000

That’s an extremely sad and sensitive situation. Good on you for wanting to support them. Offer your deepest sympathy verbally.
Acknowlege their loss and disappointment as they greive the precious life they were expecting. Send a card and some flowers. In Australia we have an organisation called SANDS( Still born and Antenatal Death Support). Let the couple talk if they want to. Offer to mind the other children if there are siblings while the funeral arrangements are made. Encourage them to keep special keepsakes of the baby or make a special album.
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We lost a baby(miscarriage) in 2003

By: rinah

rinah — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:20:59 +0000

You can say you’re sorry for their loss and be there for them as much as you can but I cannot promise you that this will lessen their grief.
I almost lost my baby on my 6th month of pregnancy and although I was advised to keep as calm as possible I was actualy losing my mind. It is indeed the worst thing that can happen to a mom! Maybe a change of scenery can benefit them, advise them to go somewhere exotic where they’ve never been before, it may take their minds of their trouble to some extent.
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By: newmom

newmom — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:34:59 +0000

Tell them that you are very sorry for their loss and listen if they want to talk.

Never say that you know how they feel, because unless it has happened to you, you don’t know.

My sister lost her baby at 20 weeks (I was 24 weeks pregnant at the time) and I simply cried with her, especially since I felt a loss too. I lost my pregnancy partner as well as a niece or nephew.
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By: Melissa W

Melissa W — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 15:24:59 +0000

Just tell your friend you are sorry. I have a preemie and I found a website that is WONDERFUL!!! http://www.shareyourstory.com All the parents on her have had preemie, lost babies, or have a child with some sort of birth defect. She will find women here who know exactly what she is going through and will help her more than you know. They have been through this and can offer great advice!!
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Mother to a preemie

By: addicted too

addicted too — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:58:59 +0000

Having a baby is a gift from God but sometimes God’s ways are beyond our comprehension and understanding. Everything that happens has a reason. I believe God has a special purpose for this. Religious or not - maybe this is God’s way of telling them that HE exist and that they need HIS love, guidance, strength and love.
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By: gbcopy

gbcopy — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 14:13:59 +0000

There’s nothing to say but you’re sorry.

Just be there - quietly.
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By: Jillian H

Jillian H — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 13:45:59 +0000

i jsut told my friend that i would always be there for her. my friend lost a baby who was born at 23 weeks and 6 days. her baby lived for 2 weeks. i feel like i ahd a speacial bond with the baby because wwhile my friend went into the hopital iw as visiting her for a couple days and then one day my water broke and i was 36 weeks pregnant and my son was born the day after her daughter was-it was sad
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